1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
