i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
