Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
