i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
