I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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