smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
why is half of my head shaved?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
