I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
