You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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