um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
