He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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