Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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