Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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