I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
