it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Boobs speak an international language.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
