Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
