Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
