i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
