guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
