you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
