unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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