My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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