why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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