so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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