Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
