matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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