Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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