my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
