i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
