put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
