i already hear my dad disowning me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
