mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
