Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
