you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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