It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
