Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
