I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?