so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My pussy is not your playground.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.