lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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