hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
