So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
