I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ttyl tear gas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
