Who wears a wallet chain?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
