I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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