guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
