Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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