The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
