We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
