brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
