I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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