covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
