Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
