Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
