before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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