I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
