Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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