Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
