How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
