Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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