How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
