I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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