Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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