So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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