Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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