your parents love me but you hate me
handjob tips. give me some.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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