im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
