He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
