If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
