its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
