We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
