I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
