I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
