Umm I'm too high to move.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
