Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
