I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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