So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
