he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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