why didn't you poke me back
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
