In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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