I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
