You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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