so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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