I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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