I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
