barbara walters just said penis...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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