I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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