Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
