Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
